Well it’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted, do I say hi? Do I reintroduce myself?
Previously, on igetlostinsoundandspace.com…
I kid, I kid. But I do hope you got that every series ever reference.
Let’s get to it shall we?
I’ve been slacking on blogging. Why? Engineering honours is no joke, I’ve been juggling eight courses this semester, submitting assignments and reports, attending tutorials till 5pm and then writing a test every week since my last post. People have managed this in years before me, yet most of the time I feel like I’m academically drowning. I’ve always been an anxious person, stressing to the max when I do anything, I used to stress about getting a 79% in high school physics. Now I celebrate that 51%. I digress, my point, I’ve come to realise that my mental health is more valuable than my marks or graduating. But I still had to focus on that degree, so for a while I shut off my blog and just focussed on school.
April, May and these few days of June have so far been the most challenging months of my life, but look at Jesus, I made it through. It was at the end of April that I had my first real actual wow what is happening panic attack. I hated how helpless I felt and how nothing anyone said or did could help. A few days later I had a headache for two-and-a-half days straight. Obviously I had to see a doctor then, he took one look at me and said you’re stressed. He prescribed anti-anxiety meds and pain meds so strong, they’re used to treat depression. OH MY WORD. Anti anxiety tablets do the job, but I am so scared of getting addicted to them so I use it so sparingly. Wow where is this post even going? In happier news I managed to get through my entire exam season without taking any meds, except for last night, I was so freaked out for my last exam, and I really had no reason to be, but my mental health journey really is a day by day thing.
Somedays, I’m my biggest cheerleader and others I have no faith in anything, but I’m working on me. A little everyday.
Other happy news? MY ACNE HAS FINALLY STARTED TO CLEAR UP!!! I’m so thrilled, people would literally come up to me at school and ask what happened to my face! How awkward?? Like I don’t mind people who I know asking, but randoms who I’ve never spoken to? Rude! But, my dermatologist is pretty great, which reminds me I need to go back to him.
My stress caused my acne, and my acne caused even more stress, it was a never ending loop, which I’m hopefully breaking. It was difficult to be like okay this is my skin for now, I have tons of pimples, it isn’t the end of the world.
More happy news? I have a few blog ideas just waiting to be typed up.
Onto the awkward things, I’m pretty much addicted to this K-drama, The age of youth, and at this point it’s the only semblance of a life for me, which is nice, I have no drama of my own. That isn’t really awkward is it? Buuuut, I needed another word beginning with A for the title of this post. I’m always down for alliteration.
And finally, take some time everyday to focus on you, pat yourself on the back, you’ve come this far and you’re doing great. Don’t be afraid to talk about anything that bugs you, you should let it out, before it eats you up inside.
Love and light… Cayla